The Cow of 'Ism'

Author UnknownLast Modified: 13:52 p.m. DST, 26 August 2014

SOCIALISM

You have 2 cows.

The state takes one and gives it to your neighbor. The neighbor loses the cow and wants another one.

COMMUNISM

You have 2 cows.

The State takes both and gives you some milk for your work, instead of a paycheck.

FASCISM

You have 2 cows.

The State takes both and makes you buy the milk.

NAZISM

You have 2 cows.

The State takes both and puts you in prison work camp until you like the idea of buying the milk.

STATISM

You have 2 cows.

The State takes both, shoots one, milks the other, and stores the milk. The milk goes bad, and they throw the milk away...

TRADITIONAL CAPITALISM

You have two cows.

You sell one and buy a bull. Your herd multiplies, and the economy grows. You sell them and retire on the income.

AN AMERICAN GLOBAL CORPORATION

You have two cows.

You sell one, to retire the debt, and force the other to produce the milk of four cows. You grant yourself more stock options, and later you hire a consultant to analyze why the cow has dropped dead.

ENRON VENTURE CAPITALISM

You have two cows.

You sell three of them to your publicly listed company, using letters of credit opened by your brother-in-law at the bank, then execute a debt/equity swap with an associated general offer so that you get all four cows back, with a tax exemption for five cows.

The milk rights of the six cows are transferred via an intermediary to a Cayman Island Company secretly owned by the majority shareholder who sells the rights to all seven cows back to your listed company.

The annual report says the company owns eight cows, with an option on one more.

You sell one cow to buy a new President of the United States, leaving you with nine cows.

No accounting is provided with the release of the annual report. You then sell your bull to the public through an IPO of one of your new shell corporations.

A FRENCH CORPORATION

You have two cows.

You go on strike, organize a riot, and use your farm tractors to block the roads, because you want three cows, and you know the government will cave...

A JAPANESE CORPORATION

You have two cows.

You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk.

You then create a clever cow cartoon image called 'Cowkimon' and market it worldwide.

You announce a recall on the cows for a battery firmware issue.

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First Published: 6 February 2012 (Page 2 of 2)

A GERMAN CORPORATION

You have two cows.

You re-engineer them so they live for 100 years, eat once a month, and milk themselves.

You go on a camping trip with the family.

AN ITALIAN CORPORATION

You have two cows, but you don't know where they are.

But then you remember that it doesn’t really matter and decide to have lunch with friends.

A RUSSIAN CORPORATION

You have two cows.

You count them and learn you have five cows. You count them again and learn you have 42 cows. You count them again and learn you have 2 cows. You stop counting cows and go get more vodka on credit.

A SWISS CORPORATION

You have 5000 cows. None of them belong to you.

You charge the owners for storing them, while you milk the cows for big money. The poorest people you know drive a Mercedes.

A CHINESE CORPORATION

You have two cows.

You have 300 people milking them. You claim full employment, high bovine productivity, and arrest the newsman who reported the facts.

AN INDIAN CORPORATION

You have two cows.

You worship them and go hungry.

A BRITISH CORPORATION

You have two cows.

Both are mad. You institute a news blackout, as a public service, until everyone forgets.

AN AUSTRALIAN CORPORATION

You have two cows.

Business seems pretty good. You close the office, call up your mates, and go to the pub for a few beers to celebrate.

A GREEK CORPORATION

You have two cows.

You borrow against the cows from the Germans. You kill the cows, make Souvlaki, and invite everyone over for a big party. You no longer have an income stream.

You can’t pay the interest so the Germans lend you more money. You can’t pay the interest so the Germans lend you more money. You can’t pay the interest so the Germans lend you more money. You can’t pay the interest so the Germans lend you more money.....

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Human Destiny | Noam Chomsky's Challenge

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Ayanna Nahmias, Editor-in-ChiefLast Modified: 01:52 AM EDT, 31 October 2011

There are many voices within the global and American landscape that continually challenge us to peek behind the veil, to question authority, and practice free thought.

In past decades,  authors, philosophers and even filmmakers provided the impetus for us to dig deeper beneath the surface.  Movies like Fahrenheit 451Soylent Green, Animal Farm and 1984 are but four examples of an entire genre of intellectual activism that seems increasingly on the decline.

Ray Bradbury, Richard Fleischer, and George Orwell are the epitome of visionaries whose prophetic voices warned society of the perils a mid-20th Century society would face should it recklessly continue its pursuit of manufactured pleasures and myopic fiefdoms.

Today, Michael Moore, Eric Schlosser and Al Gore through their films  "Capitalism: A Love Story," "Food Nation," and "An Inconvenient Truth," risk the wrath of the system by unveiling the truth of the "man behind the mirror."  Truth is available in every age at all times if we but have a desire to hear and the fortitude to change our corner of the world.

At first glance it would seem that the gods of materialism, distraction and avarice have successfully vanquished our society.  It was cunningly accomplished with our tacit complicity because we willingly yoked ourselves to the technology designed to anesthetized us. We are 24x7 plugged into the system, living vicariously through handhelds, tablets and laptops, we are more in touch but less connected.

We complain about starvation in the break room but can't summon the energy after leaving work to volunteer or participate in some form of activism that would demonstrate our genuine concern.  We complain about the disparity between the wealthy and the poor but given a choice between donating half or even a quarter of a paycheck to help the poor or upgrade our vehicle to the latest model, we routinely choose the latter.

We have bought into the system with eyes wide open.  We know we are the hamster on the wheel, we joke about being the cog in the wheel, but deep down we believe if we run fast enough and row hard enough, we will somehow dislodge ourselves from the system and retroactively become its architect.

We are ghosts in the machine and we equate our invisibility with powerlessness, when in truth it is exactly the opposite. Though we cannot architect a system that is constructed and humming on high, we can rearchitect our function within the system.  In this era of increased apathy, powerlessness, and somnambulism, it is crucial to remain vigilant and engaged.

Revolutions are effected by individuals with the fortitude and desire to improve not only their lives but those of the society in which they live. The first step for us is to continue to challenge and question all forms of propaganda manufactured by the triumvirate of Globalization, Corporatocracy and Democracy.

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